A Boy and His Car...

Last summer I was forced to leave my X-terra for three months. This was a huge deal in our relationship, considering we had never been more than 3 weeks apart. But the Lord had called me to go work at the JH Ranch and my car did not feel the same. Before I left I tried to do everything to make sure it was well taken care of. Tried to part it under the tree so it wouldn't get too wet in the rain and too hot in the sun. Tried to make sure it was nice and clean cause I knew it would be another 3 months before it's next bath. Tried to make sure neither of my reckless brothers would drive it, sorry. And lastly made sure my mom would take it out for a spin every once in a while.

So the weeks went by. I would call home and check on it. Prayed for it. Thought about it on long walks. I even received a picture of it, among others, around my birthday. To my knowledge we were getting by just fine.

Towards the end of the summer my mom calls and tell me the most peculiar thing is happening to it. As she would drive it around town it would honk randomly. She would just be sitting at a red light and "beep" or driving down Bailey Cove and "beep". This was not a one time occurrence. I immediately knew it missed me terribly and received a "you're crazy" from my mom on the end of the line. The worst part is that there was nothing I could do about it. I knew that nothing would suffice unless I was there touching it.

It got worse...

I received the call that they had to take it into the shop. My dad had no idea what had gone wrong with it, which is unusual. It had just pooped out. The mechanic said something about the computer inside it dieing. For those of you that don't know, thats a piece of his heart. At that point mine sank. I was eagerly waiting the results of the surgery the next few days. What was a boy supposed to do w/out his car? Well besides walk, bike, carpool, bus, train, subway, scooter, moped, skateboard, and of course fly.

The results were in and it had survived without complication! I flew home a few days later to embrace it in a moment of surreal bliss. To this day I have never heard it randomly honk...

Ice Protest

::Disclaimer::

This actually happened to me, but idea of story from comedian.

This just in. Ice is now banning together to make a difference. Yes friends, believe it or not, ice communicates.
All I wanted yesterday was one ice cube from the bottom of my liquid-less, ice-filled cup. So naturally I put the cup to my lips and tilt upwards. Now, against all laws of physics the ice just stayed in place. It was as if the chief ice cube was telling everyone to hold their positions until otherwise informed.

I tilt more. "HOLD!"
More. "HOLD!!"
More. "HOLD!!!"
Then with the slightest tap of my finger, "RELEASE!!"


All of the ice comes rushing towards me at once. Slamming into my face, they make a statement. Ice is not to be taking advantage of. It works until the point of death to keep your drink cool. At the unlikely event that it survives until the end of your drink you either chomp it down in the act of murder or dispose of it and leave it to die. This all hit me about the same time as the ice. How could we be so heartless?

BTW, you gotta check out the intro to this website now that its July, I laughed so hard!

The Tack A-Tack

So I am sitting at my desk, minding my own business when all of the sudden I notice that my left hand had a problem with the tack sitting on my desk and proceeds to knock it off. Feeling sorry for the tack, I decide to look for it. I turn my chair...move my left foot over...and it descends directly on the upright tack. I lift my foot in agony and proceed to displace it from my left foot with my right hand.

It was about this time that I started leaning forward and lose balance, having been sitting on the edge of my seat. With my left hand clung to my left foot, I proceed to stop my body from falling by bracing my self with my right hand to my right knee (you can try to reenact this at home). Keep in mind that this vicious tack is still in my right hand. You guessed it, I stab myself in the right knee. At this point I am beginning to believe that the tack planned this maneuver from the beginning. I threw it away as an example to all the others scheming up ideas. I don't know what he said to my left hand to provoke it to knock him off the desk, but I now keep them separated. These guys got too much time on their hands.

Btw, from what I believe, you do not have to subscribe to leave a comment. So there you have it. Enough said...